


Bullshit

by LiteralCancerTM



Category: Supernatural
Genre: 13x13 spoilers, Angst and Feels, Crushing, Cutting, Destiel - Freeform, Domestic Fluff, Gay, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Maybe - Freeform, Mutual Pining, PTSD, Past Rape/Non-con, Pranks, Rape/Non-con Elements, Sabriel - Freeform, Suicidal Angels, Suicidal Thoughts, casdean - Freeform, hecc, i just made this up, jk, penis - Freeform, slow-build, uhm idk
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-03-27
Updated: 2018-05-29
Packaged: 2019-04-13 18:11:56
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, No Archive Warnings Apply, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 17
Words: 12,620
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14118048
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LiteralCancerTM/pseuds/LiteralCancerTM
Summary: Gabriel's very real feelings for Sam are all fucking bullshit. Especially in his own opinion.---Gabriel figures out he has feelings for the youngest Winchester and is in complete denial. Hoping to tell no one about them, the Archangel has to figure things out for himself.****I started this before 13x17 came out********ON HIATUS****





	1. Dean

**Author's Note:**

> Got this idea in class so whatever

"This is bullshit," Gabriel muttered to himself, slamming his hands on the kitchen counter, "This is fucking bullshit!" Dean came around the corner, beer in hand. He didn't exactly like Gabriel, but he was curious as to what was bullshit.

"What is?" the Winchester asked, causing Gabriel to spin around and look at him.

The archangel seemed a little bit shocked that _Dean_ was asking him _anything_. His cheeks flushed, probably thinking about what it was that he was angry about. "I - uh- it's bullshit that... um.... that my grace still isn't back yet," he answered, stumbling over his words, which wasn't very usual for him. But Dean wouldn't know, he wasn't close to Gabriel like Sam was.

"Yeah?" Dean studied Gabriel hard. The celestial being seemed to be getting better since his time in Hell, but what did 'better' mean? Of course, it was obvious he wasn't back at his full strength, so Dean didn't read too much into it like Sam would've. Gabriel grumbled a little more to himself, in what sounded like Enochian to the hunter, then pushed past him and left the room. Weird.

The Winchesters and Castiel had busted Gabriel out of Hell two months ago, after they got a tip from Mr.Ketch. It seemed like a trap at first, but when Sam and Castiel's eyes had filled with hope at the news, Dean knew they just had to go, even if it was a deception. All week, the youngest Winchester couldn't seem to sit still. It was either from worry or excitement. Or both. Castiel was nearly the same as well, with the hopes of being with his brother again in nine years, he couldn't stop talking about Gabriel.

Finding Gabriel was one of the best and worst things that happened to Sam. It was amazing that, after all these years, he got to see the one he missed. But it was terrible because the condition he was in was so horrible that Sam vomited and Castiel nearly cried. He was in a cell deep underground, chained to the walls with Enochian handcuffs. His lips were sewn shut, blood dripping out of cuts on his face, old and new. Castiel had mentioned how his wings had been tied together with extremely special and rare ropes that could hold even the most powerful of angels. There was more that would just take too long to describe, along with too much pain.

Now that he was back- not exactly himself, but back- Sam was elated. He and Castiel were near him at almost all possible moments, following him around like lost puppies. Dean found it hilarious-- for the first day. Then he started to miss his and Cas' time together. After two months, this still hadn't changed. But where were they now?

Dean roamed the halls of the bunker, searching for his brother and his angel. It was unusual for them to both be gone since Gabe came back. Maybe Castiel was in their shared room. He turned the knob of his door, hoping to find his boyfriend in there. Lucky for him, Castiel was in there. "Hello Dean," he greeted, sitting properly on the bed, hands folded in his lap. 

Dean grinned. "Hey, Cas." He plunked down next to the Seraph. "How's it goin'?"

"It is going good, Dean. Gabriel seems more and more like himself every day. His grace is replenishing quickly as well. I can sense he is healing faster than we ever hoped." Castiel smiled sadly at his hands, which were still in his lap. Then, his smile faltered. "Do you hear him?"

"What?"

"Do you hear him," Cas repeated. "At night. His sobs, which he tries to keep quiet. I can hear him pray every night after you two go to bed. Pray to Father. I don't- don't have the heart to tell him He isn't there." He clenched his fists in his lap, staring hard, not making eye-contact with Dean. "Dean I-" Suddenly, Castiel just stopped. It was like he didn't have the strength to continue his sentence. Although, Dean didn't need him to.

The eldest Winchester didn't exactly appreciate his limited-time with Cas being spent by talking about Gabriel, but he really didn't mind in this instance. Castiel needed him there, so there he was. He enveloped the Seraph in a tight squeeze, the hug being returned to him. "Dean, I'm sorry it hasn't just been us lately. I'm just so worried about Gabriel. I can tell his smile is fake. He's hiding something, something big. It may not be something bad, but it is something he needs to get off his chest. I know it. He isn't like this, he's broken, Dean."

Dean nodded, head resting atop Cas'. "I understand, Cas, I understand."

But he didn't; Dean really didn't understand.


	2. Gabriel

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> !!TRIGGER WARNING FOR RAPE!!!

Gabriel was broken and he knew it. Every time he closed his eyes he saw flashbacks and things from the time he was tortured, like a constant reminder of what he thought he would never escape. He didn't tell his brother or the Winchesters, too much fuss. Instead, he kept it to himself, silently continuing to suffer. Every night, after Sam and Dean went to bed for their four hours of sleep, he would allow himself to cry and pray to his Father. But the way things were going now, he doubted God was still there for him. That hurt. The Archangel knew Castiel heard him at night, as they both don't sleep, and he was glad that Cas just left him alone about it. He never really got alone time since he moved in with Sam and Dean.

The torture was not the worst of his time in Hell. It was the rape. He remembered every second of it, never being able to get it out of his mind. He was dirty. No amount of washing his vessel could remove the stains on his skin. Although, there were no literal stains. You would think an _Archangel_ wouldn't be fazed by something such as rape, but you'd be surprised. It haunted him every second of every day, nothing could amount to this.

* * *

_Gabriel heard footsteps coming to the dungeon, the now familiar footsteps of Asmodeus, the fourth Prince of Hell, now ruler. He wondered what happened to Lucifer, not that he really cared. He knew what was to happen next; he'd be cut by an angel blade, multiple times; then feathers would be plucked slowly from his wings; and finally, almost all of his grace would be drained until there was only a drop left. He had gotten used to this routine, as much as it pained him to say it._

_Asmodeus entered the dark room, light from Hell Fire pooling in from the crack in the door. Gabriel lifted his head and squinted up at the demon. Something was different. His captor wielded no blade or even human torture devices as usual. Instead, in his hands, he carried rope. The same rope used to bind his wings. What the hell was he planning?_

_"I have something very special planned for you today." The harsh voice of Asmodeus sounded throughout the room. Gabriel wanted to ask what it was, but he couldn't as his lips were sewn together. So, instead, he let out a small grunt. "I know my other forms of torture haven't gotten through to your soul, but this one is different."_

_Gabriel's hands were bound together with the rope, as well as his feet. He attempted to fight back, but barren of his grace and strength, he couldn't. He was flipped over so his chest was against the cold stone of the only seat in the room and so he was on his knees. Now, Gabriel realized what was going to happen. But it was too late._

_Asmodeus brought down Gabriel's pants to his knees. Fuck. His own were dropped as well, as far as Gabe could hear. Fear struck the Archangel in a huge wave, making him vomit in his own mouth. But because of his lips being stuck together, he was forced to swallow the unpleasant bile. He waited for the penetration to happen for awhile. But when it didn't come, he timidly glanced over his shoulder at the demon. Wrong decision. He saw the fox-like smile on Asmodeus' face right as a hard penis was pushed into his hole, causing him to scream inwardly._

_Sobs wracked his body as the unwanted erection pumped in and out of him. Because of the act of sex, his own became hard, disgusting himself right to the core. Pain seared throughout his body, the friction of his arse and the demon's cock felt like fire. His screams were cut off by violent sobs which tore at the thread on his lips. Gabriel felt so_ dirty _for moaning involuntarily a couple times._

_Soon, his body shuddered with a forced and unwanted orgasm, his semen spurting out onto the grey floor. Asmodeus was soon after, his warm liquid filling Gabriel up and leaking out. The demon chuckled, pulling out of the Archangel and hitching up his own pants. "I think this might become a thing for us!" he exclaimed. Gabriel could hear the smile in his voice, making him want to vomit all over again. He untied Gabriel and then left him alone._

* * *

No. No! Gabriel had to stop thinking about what happened. He needed to think about something that made him happy, as cliche as it sounded. He frantically wracked his brain for something. _Anything_! 

Sam.

Yes! That was it! The one who made Gabriel truly happy was something he could think about. But it wasn't fair that Sam was the thing, was it? Everything he made Sam go through was so terrible and it wouldn't be fair if he used Sam as an escape. He had to find something else. But what did make Gabriel happy? Everything else had been taken away from him or ruined by Asmodeus. Hell, there wasn't anything. He knew it.

Gabriel sat on the edge of the guest bed. _His_ bed. He ran his hands through his own golden hair, a few tears slipping from his eyes. He didn't want to cry again. That's all he did nowadays. Crying wouldn't solve anything and that was all there was to it. What he really needed was a distraction. Maybe watching television or going on a hunt. That last one was a bit farfetched; in his condition, neither Sam nor Dean would let him out of the bunker. 

Distracting Gabriel from his delirious thoughts came a knock at the door. Thank Chuck. He rubbed his eyes with the back of his hands, erasing the tears. "Come in," he mumbled, then watched Sam walk through the door.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I might not be able to post another chapter for awhile bc of Easter break, but I'll see what I can do.


	3. Sam

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> not too much AngstTM here

Sam entered Gabriel's room, expecting to find the Archangel watching T.V. or planning a new prank to pull on Dean. Instead, he found him on the queen bed, eyes red and puffy, probably from crying. The hunter was slightly taken aback. "Are... Are you okay?" he asked, concern plastered on his face. Gabriel's current expression looked like the one he wore the first couple weeks he was there. 

"Yeah! Of course I am, Samoose! Why wouldn't I be?" Gabriel replied, forcing a smile. Sam knew this type of 'smile', he used it all the time on Dean, so Gabe wasn't fooling him.

The hunter knew he would never get Gabriel to open up if he didn't want to, so he didn't pry. "Oh... alright!" He sat next to Gabriel, prompted by the Angel patting the bed. "So... what are you doing?"

Gabriel shrugged. "Just thinking," he answered, fidgeting with his hands. He didn't say much after.

"Well, Dean, Cas, and I are going out to a bar, you wanna come?" Sam hoped Gabe would say yes, he hadn't been out of the bunker since he arrived and could probably use some fresh air. "You don't have to drink, or anything, I just thought it'd be fun."

Gabriel seemed to think momentarily about it before shaking his head no. "I think I'll stay here. Gotta plan my next prank on Dean-o, yenno?"

Sam's heart sank a bit, he had really wanted Gabriel to come with them. He didn't show the disappointment, though. He was aware Gabe needed some time alone, even if he wasn't sure that was such a great idea. "Is there anything you want me to get you? Twizzlers? A Slurpee?"

"I could go for some Nougat, Sammy-boy."

* * *

"He's not comin'?" Dean asked Sam, hopping into Baby.

"Nope," Sam said, getting in the back so Castiel could sit with his brother, "Said he wants Nougat, though."

The elder hunter snorted. "If he thinks I'm makin' an extra trip for him, he can forget it! He gotta come if he wants food." He started the car and began driving.

Castiel looked a little put off by this but didn't say anything. Now, under usual circumstances, Sam would've agreed, but given the way Gabriel looked in his room, he had to protest. "C'mon Dean, give him a break! The little guy is still recovering from Hell. And he only asked for Nougat."

Dean shook his head, glancing in the rearview mirror at Sam. "That 'little guy' is a grown-ass man! And plu-" He was cut off by Castiel shooting him a glare. When Sam saw that, he knew Dean would have to get Gabriel his snacks. "Fine."

The ride to the bar wasn't too long, Sam and Castiel staying silent even when Dean turned up the classic-rock. Sam was lost in thought about Gabriel, wondering what else had the Archangel so upset. Undoubtedly, Castiel was thinking about his brother as well. Sam thought about the time when they rescued Gabriel. He thought about the time before that, before Gabriel's 'death', when he was happy and out pranking people- mainly Sam. Sam missed that Gabriel and he wished he could just make the angel happy.

But he'd have to think about that later because they had just arrived at a tacky bar.

* * *

**GabeTheBabe:** heyyy when u guys gonna b bacc im bored

Sam smiled at the text he received, it was nice to know Gabriel thought about him when he wasn't there.

 **Sam:** Um, probably around an hour or two, the service is really slow here.

"What'cha doin' there, Sammy?" Dean asked, glancing over the table at Sam's phone, "Got a date hotter than us?"

"No, just texting Gabe," Sam told him, reading the reply.

"You're so boring!" Dean groaned, "'Gabriel this, Gabriel that!' You're like a broken record! You guys together or somethin'? 'Cause like no judging here."

"We aren't a _'thing'_ , Dean. Just friends. And he just wants to know when we'll be back."

"Tell 'im he should'a come!"

"No, that's rude!" Sam protested. "Plus, I already told him soon." Sam let his lips turn up in a slight smile, making Dean snort.

"You're hopeless without 'im."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> eep, I lied, I had time to write this. Maybe even one more?


	4. Castiel

For once in a couple years, Castiel tried praying to his Father. He knew it wasn’t going to work, but that didn’t stop him from attempting. He prayed for Gabriel. He prayed for Jack. He even prayed for Mary. As he was expecting, he got no response or closure. 

This made the Seraph angry; God didn’t even care enough about his _son_ to at least check in. He didn’t care that the angels were almost extinct. He didn’t care that the anti-Christ and a Winchester were stuck in an alternate reality with no hope of getting out. Castiel knew God was receiving his prayers, which added even more hatred and loathing to his already seething feeling for the Lord.

But, even if Chuck wasn’t responding, Gabriel seemed to be getting better everyday. Soon, Castiel decided he was alright if he stayed home while himself and Dean went on a hunt together. Sam would be with Gabe during the time anyway. There was a case in Nevada they could go on, so that’s where they went.

Before leaving, Sam pulled Cas aside to speak with him privately (away from Dean). 

“What is it?” Cas asked when Dean went outside to start the Impala.

“Uhm, I wanted to talk to you,” Sam said. “About Dean.” The hunter looked down at his shoes, almost like they were more interesting than Castiel himself.

“Go on,” he promoted, a little curious.

“Well, I was wondering if you could have a chat with Dean about Gabriel while you two are out.” Sam shifted uncomfortably, refusing to meet Cas’ eyes. “He’s been kinda rude to Gabe lately. And, uh, if Gabriel could hear what Dean says about him, I think we’d be back to square one.” 

The Seraph nodded thoughtfully, making note of what Sam had said. He fully understood what was exchanged. ~~He also needed to do this because the viewers were mad at Dean and the author needs to fix it~~ “I’ll talk to him.”

“Thanks.” Sam grinned appreciatively. “But, ah, don’t tell him I said any of this.”

“Of course.”

* * *

An hour into the drive to Nevada, Castiel decided he’d bring up his and Sam’s concerns relating to the Archangel. “Dean, we need to talk,” he said, eyes glued to the road before them.

Dean reached over to the volume dial and turned the blade of his classic rock mixtapes down. “About?”

“Your recent behaviour towards my brother.” Dean gave Cas a sideways glance but didn’t say anything, most likely wondering what he was going to get scolded for. “It has come to my attention that you not only dislike my brother, you also cannot- maybe you refuse to- tolerate him.”

“I wouldn’t say I don’t tolerate him,” Dean protested, puffing his cheeks out in a pout.

“Then what would you say?” Castile figured the hunter wouldn’t come up with a better way to describe it.

“I’m just sayin’ that I don’t _ignore_ him. We’ve had like three conversations since he got back.”

Castiel fought the urge to chuckle at that, Dean was being ridiculous. “You don’t seem certain that you’ve had three. Dean, he’s been back for two months. That’s 2,400 hours. Which means, you should have had more than three conversations.”

“Okay, fine, you got me there. But that don’t mean I have to get along with ‘im!” Castile could tell that Dean was getting a little angry with him. He’d have to back down.

“You’re right. It was rude of me to confront you like this. My apologies.”

* * *

**Sam:** Hey, did you talk to him yet?

 **Castiel:** I attempted to. He was getting angry so I had to apologize for the confrontation.

 **Sam:** Cas, wth?! You can’t just back down like that!! Choose: brother’s mental health or boyfriend’s pride.

 **Castiel:** ... I choose Gabriel. Thank you, Sam. I’ll try once again.

Castiel knew Sam was right, he couldn’t just roll over and let this happen. He had to do something.

The Seraph waited on the edge of their rickety, old motel bed for Dean to return from his beer run, wondering about what he was going to say. Dean finally returned with a six-pack of beer and burgers from White Castle. “Hey, Cas,” he greeted, setting the food down on the table next to the door. “Uh, you looked pissed.... or something,” he observed.

“‘Or something,’” Castiel agreed, motioning for Dean to sit next to him. “I wanted to talk about what happened earlier in the car.”

“What’s there’s to talk about?” Dean asked nervously. Or at least, it seemed like he was nervous.

“All I want is for you and my brother to get along, because, at the moment, you aren’t even trying. Not for me. Not for Gabe. Not for yourself.” Cas knew getting his point across to Dean would be difficult. But he had to. For Gabriel.

“Yeah, ya already said that.” Dean obviously wasn’t in the mood to cooperate. Cas now understood he’d have to take drastic measures.

“Dean.” He took a breath and exhaled slowly before continuing. “If I had to choose between yourself and my brother, with all that’s going on, it’d be Gabriel.”

“What. What are you tryna say?”

“Until you you learn to get along with Gabriel, there’s nothing between us except a partnership founded on the work we do.”

Dean looked horrified. “Are you breaking up with me, Castiel?” They were both on the brink of tears now.

“That all depends on your attitude towards Gabe.”

There was a silence for nearly three minutes. Dean was speechless and Castiel had nothing more to say. At last, Dean swallowed the big lump that had formed in his throat and spoke. “I’ll give it a shot.”

“Good.”

Cas kissed Dean on the cheek and their trip continued as planned.


	5. Gabriel

With Castiel and Dean out, Gabriel was left with Sam. At least the headache that came with Dean was gone. Currently, the Archangel was sitting on the counter watching Sam make rabbit food.

The way the lights came down and hit Sam was very soothing to Gabriel. He didn’t know why, though. Sam’s chocolate brown eyes looked so tender, like a puppy's. Or maybe a Moose’s. Gabe caught himself blushing and staring at Sam before the other could notice. Not again. Gabriel had been having these thoughts relating the the younger Winchester. They came and went as they pleased, but mostly showed up when he was either with Sam or when he was alone.

Although, they were obviously wrong and he was just confused because Sam rescued him from Hell.

“You’re awfully quiet,” Sam remarked, smiling to himself.

“I didn’t want to ruin the domestic moment we were having, Samshine,” Gabriel replied smoothly. Flirting was okay; it didn’t mean he _liked_ Sam. He flirted with everyone. Except Dean. Dean was a bitch.

“Oops, my bad. Let’s go back to that moment.”

Sam and Gabe stared at each other and Gabe could swear Sam’s cheeks were a little rosy. At one point, the hunter started to slowly move closer to him. Were they gonna kiss? Apparently not, because the doorbell rang.

Both snapped out of their trances as Sam ran to go get the door, muttering something about how they never got any guests. That left Gabriel to stay perched on the counter, contemplating what just happened. His heart was racing, cheeks and ears burning. Could it be possible that Sam _like-liked_ him? No. Never. Gabriel was just imagining things.

When Sam hadn’t returned in a couple minutes, the angel went to go look for him. He was found in the living room with a woman Gabe had never seen. “Samsquatch,” he said, moving to his side, “who’s this?”

Sam glanced at him and grinned. “Gabe! This is Jody Mills. She’s like a mother to Dean and I. Jody, this is Gabriel. He’s an Archangel.”

Jody looked to Gabe. “Nice to meet’cha!”

Gabriel nodded in agreement. Meeting Jody was kinda sprung on him and it made him a little nervous. Understandably so because of the trauma he’d experienced. “Hi.”

“Now, the polite thing to do when you have guests over is to at least put some pants on,” she gently prompted, “Especially when you have a female visitor.” Gabriel looked down at his body, remembering how he was only in his boxers. With a bunker full of dudes, he usually did without the clothes. But he supposed Jody was right. Without even thinking about it, he snapped his fingers and his usual outfit appeared on his vessel.

He and Sam gasped, mouths agape, in a stunned silence. They both hadn’t been aware that he had enough grace to do that. Jody, of course, had no idea what was so significant about an Archangel doing that. “Gabriel,” Sam breathed out.

Gabe met his eyes. “I dunno...” Suddenly, Gabriel felt hope touch his heart for the first time in a long time. His lips curved into a huge smile, eyes lighting up. He knew what he had to do next. “I’ll be back!”

Gabriel darted out of the bunker in his excitement, nearly screaming the whole way. The extreme amount of natural light blinded him when he stepped out for the first time in months, much like when he stepped back on Earth after being rescued.

He quickly got over that and noticed there was a forest right behind the Winchester’s living quarters. Perfect. He dashed over to the shelter of the trees that towered over everything and ran until he got tired. This was the perfect, most secluded place at the moment. Exactly what he needed for what he was about to do.

The Archangel ripped off the multiple layers he was wearing and discarded them on the forest floor. He cracked his neck and rolled his shoulder blades, prepping. Soon, three sets of ~~magnificent~~ torn, dirty and tattered white-golden wings stretched out behind Gabriel, the only noise in all the forest, save for the chirping of birds.

An angel’s wings represented its grace by appearance alone. His heart sank. Judging on how his feathers stuck out at different angles, how there were gaps where feathers should be, and how they had lost their shine, Gabriel’s grace was no where near back. As of yet, he could probably only perform small tasks. Such as snapping his clothes back on and possibly reading human minds.

Gabriel crumpled to the ground, all six wings drooping behind him. At this rate, he’d never have his powers back.


	6. Sam

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really like this one ~

Gabriel ran off somewhere, leaving a shocked Sam and a confused Jody. “What was that about?” the elder hunter wondered. Shouldn’t an angel be using its powers regularly?

Sam shook his head to try and contain his thoughts, snapping his jaw shut. “He’s been without his grace for a couple months now,” he explained, awe tingeing his voice. 

“Why?” It was natural for an outsider to this situation the have questions, Sam decided.

“He was tortured in Hell for quite some time. Hasn’t been able to use his powers at all.” Sam grinned, overjoyed for his cru-friend. ”I’m really proud of him for this, I guess!”

“I’m asking ‘cause the glint in your eyes: are you two together?”

Sam was caught off-guard by this. What ‘glint’ was she referring to? He struggled to find words, face turning pink. God, this was embarrassing. “I-uh-I-I-No! Just f-friends! He’s a bitch! Killed my brother 1000 times! Why would- why would I even like him? That’s ridiculous! But there was earlier in the kitchen where I almost... Nope! I could never have feelings for that ass! _That ass._ What?” Sam rambled in for another minute when he realized what he was doing. His face was red as a rose.

Jody laughed, making it painfully clear to Sam that he did the exact opposite of convincing her he wasn’t in ~~love~~ like with the Trickster. “You have it bad, Sam,” she remarked. “But don’t worry, your secret is safe with me.” She paused. “Wait- what happened in the kitchen?”

“NOTHING!”

* * *

A little after Jody left, Sam went to find his favourite angel. He was aware that Gabriel was back because he returned before Jody left (if somewhat angrily). He wasn’t in his room or the T.V. Room, which was where he usually was. So Sam decided to go to his room to retrieve his phone so he could text the missing Gabriel. But actually, Gabriel was in Sam’s room, silently fuming on his bed. He was back to wearing underwear. “Hey, Gabe?” Sam approached the left side of his bed and sat next to him.

“Yeah.” Gabe didn’t even cast a glance at him.

“What are you doing? Alone? In my room?” Sam didn’t _mind_ that Gabe was in here. It was kinda nice that Gabriel’s solitude was Sam’s room. 

“I can leave.”

“No! No. You don’t have to do that. Just asking.” The brunette moved so he was laying next to him, also staring at the ceiling. 

“Well, Sam-I-Am, I’m thinking.” He muttered something in Enochian to himself and scrunched up his nose. When he did that, Sam found it adorable. Gabe was just like a little bunny who had found its way into Sam’s heart. On top of that, his voice was so nice and soft, like a gentle breeze. He liked it when Gabriel spoke in Enochian.

“What are we thinking about?”

“Anything that’ll distract me.”

“From what?” 

“Asmodeus, A.K.A Colonel Sanders.”

“Okay.” Sam could help with this! “I’ll walk you through an exercise I use when I need to let go and relax. Works great with more than one person!”

“Alright.”

“Close your eyes and imagine you’re on a beach.” Sam decided to do the exercise with him. “Beautiful blue waves crash upon the shore, the sound relaxes your mind. You sit there on the white sand, watching the Sun set in many different colours on the horizon. Your beach is that of solitude. It’s you, and you alone. It gets quite lonely so you invite someone to visit your beach. It might be a loved one or a friend. Could be anyone. Doesn’t matter. You walk the shoreline with them, water splashing over your toes. 

“Who do you see, Gabriel?”

“I see you, Sam.”

The hunter was a little shocked that he was who Gabriel first thought of. But that might’ve been because Sam was giving him a walk-through. He continued. “Great! Now, I ask you if you want to leave. How do you reply?”

“I wanna stay.”

“Why?”

“‘Cause I’m already safe here with you, why would I leave and risk getting hurt?”

Sam had done this with many of his friends and knew what was to come next. Gabe’s answer could be either good or bad. “Gabriel, is anything happening to your beach? If you don’t want to share duri-“

“The clouds turned dark and I think it’s high tide.”

“Excellent! What do we do?”

“We take shelter under some trees but they’re gone. They turned into ash a flew away.”

Gabriel’s beach was something Sam hadn’t expected, usually when he did this on people who were plagued by certain things, it took at least ten minutes to turn South. Even on Dean. What could haunt Gabe this bad?

“Um, Sammy, it’s raining blood.”

“I ask again if you want to leave and come to my beach.”

“No. I’m fine here. You can go back to your own beach, if you want. You don’t gotta see this.”

“Are you trying to protect me? Punish yourself?”

“I think so.”

“From what Gabe? I can handle this. You don’t need to punish yourself.”

“From...” Gabe sits up, causing Sam to open his eyes and give him a confused look. “I don’t wanna do this anymore.”

Sam sits up too. “That’s fine.”

“I thought you said this would distract me!” The Archangel accused. 

“It was supposed to. Sometimes we delve so deep into our minds the thing we’re trying so hard to ignore wants to be seen.” Sam paused. “Gabe, you’re battling something other than PTSD from torture. I’m not going to press. But whatever it is, you can’t ignore it forever.”

“I know, Samoose.” Gabriel sniffs and wipes his eyes with the back of his hand. “But I can’t yet.” His voice wavers. “It’s too hard.”

Sam feels the urge to wrap Gabriel up in a huge blanket and keep him safe from the horrors of this universe. He just wants to take whatever is hurting him and take it away. “I’m always here if you need someone to share that burden with. Don’t ever hesitate to pull me aside whenever, wherever.” He placed his hand on Gabriel’s bare back and kissed him on the cheek before leaving the room to allow him to continue to think as he wished.

Little did Sam know, that was the distraction Gabriel needed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Its 5 in the morning, you’re welcome.


	7. Dean

When Dean and Castiel returned from their hunting trip, Dean noticed Sam and Gabriel were barely ever in the same room together. They had only been gone a couple days, so what the hell happened? If Dean was going to talk to Gabriel about anything this was as good as any place to start. He approached the Archangel, who was in the living room doing a puzzle, and sat next to him. “Trouble in paradise?” he asked, reaching over and connecting a piece.

“What do you want, Dean?” Gabriel growled, not even bothering to look at him.

“Can’t a guy like me just start a friendly chat?”

“A guy like you? No.”

They glared at each other for a solid minute before Gabriel spoke again. “What game are you playing?”

Dean lowered his voice so he was on the verge of a whisper. “Look, Cas said we gotta be friends or he’ll break up with me ‘cause ‘you’re more important than me at the moment.’”

Gave shrugged and went back to his puzzle. “I guess you’d better get used to being single then.”

“Dude, just do me a solid here,” he requested, “I’m not saying we gotta be buddy-buddy, or anything. Just two bros being dudes.”

“And what’ll you do for me?” 

“I saved you from Hell, I feel like doing this for me might get’cha even.”

“A little birdie told me you weren’t on board with the whole thing. It was Castiel and Sam who convinced you.”

“Fine.” If Gabriel wanted to negotiate, Dean could negotiate. “I can help you get with my brother.” There was no way he could resist that deal.

“Um.” Gabriel pursed his lips for a second, cheeks tinted. “I’m not gay for your brother.”

“What.”

“Yeah, uh, nada.”

Dean was floored. He’d seen the stolen glances they gave each other. The unresolved sexual tension whenever they were in the same room together. The subtle and (Gabriel’s) not-so-subtle flirting. And _Gabe wasn’t gay for him?_ Bullshit. But Dean played along. “Then I’ll get him to stop ignoring you.

Improvise. Adapt. Overcome.

“Oh, he’s not ignoring me! I’m ignoring him.”

Again, Dean was stunned. _What the fuck happened while he was away?_

At that moment, Sam walked in. Gabe noticed and pulled Dean off the couch. “C’mon! We gotta go!” 

“What the hell,” he muttered as he was being dragged away.

“Gabe, wait!” Sam called, making Gabriel pause in the doorway for a brief moment.

“Me and Dean-o have things to do, Samoose. See ya!” With that, Dean was forcefully led out of the room into the kitchen.

* * *

At dinner, it was just Sam and Dean, so the younger brother had the chance to ask Dean something. “Dean, is Gabriel playing hard-to-get?”

“Huh?”

“Well, you’re the only one Gabe’s talked to recently since he’s avoiding me and Cas is dealing with angel drama.”

Now Dean was completely and utterly confused. What were they? “No.”

Sam was about to say something when Gabriel ran in screaming. “Sam! Sam!” he excitedly squeaked. Dean could tell his moose if a sibling was overjoyed to hear Gabe’s voice. “I did it! I tuned into Angel Radio!”

“What? That’s great!” Sam’s voice sounded, the clatter of his chair falling to the floor shortly following.

“Right?!” Gabriel ran over to Sam and hugged him tight.

“Just friends my ass,” Dean whispered under his breath. The couple was ‘back together’ so that was all he could do. Time to find Castiel.

Like always, he was in their room, sitting on the bed, probably contemplating life. “Hey, baby,” he greeted, kissing Cas on the top of his head. 

“Hello, Dean.” Cas leaned into the touch of the Winchester’s hand on his cheek. “Did you talk to Gabriel?”

“Yeah, and he said he wasn’t gay for Sammy. Can you believe it?”

“Of course I can. He has other things to worry about than romantic or sexual feelings for his best friend. Just like you.” Cas pulled the hunter onto the bed and sat on his la, arms around his neck.

Dean chuckled. “And what’s that supposed to mean?”

Cas glanced away, lips upturned. “Nothing.” He squealed when Dean attacked his neck with kisses, both laughing.

“What were you thinking about before I came in?” Dean mumbled into Cas’ neck, petting his scruffy hair.

“You.”

“Good answer.”


	8. Gabriel

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There was foreshadowing to Gabe being in Hell in the scooby natural episode and I'm pissed.
> 
> I made some angels up or whatever
> 
>  
> 
> idk how grace and angel radio works

He didn't mean to avoid Sam. Well, maybe he did, but that's beside the point. He just needed space since the peck on the cheek. Maybe he was overreacting a bit, after all, it could have been platonic.

Gabriel was sprawled across his bed, staring at the ceiling like he always did when he was thinking. It was well after the Winchesters had gone to bed so he could allow himself this time. Actually, that night with Sam had happened a week ago. Yep, he was overthinking things.

Maybe, instead of dwelling on that, he could tune into Angel radio. When the Archangel had checked his wings, he knew he'd be able to listen to other Angels in about four months. Not this soon. But, by some miracle, he did it. Although, it did make him exhausted, so he didn't do it too often.

Maybe he should tell Castiel about his progress. Gabriel hadn't done that yet because his brother had been dealing with angel drama. Gabe hadn't been able to tune in long enough to understand what was going on.

Now was a good time to try again.

 **Selaphiel:** Has anyone found him yet?

 **Joseph:** I bet he's with his boytoys.

 **Raniel:** Who?

 **Angela:** We need to hurry! Lucifer is growing more and more impatient every day!

 **Luke:** Why doesn't he find Castiel himself?

 **Kaneel:** Real talk here guys, what does he need Castiel for?

 **Angela:** Brother, you need to stop hanging out with humans. Your speech patterns are merging.

 **Kaneel:** I'm not 'hanging out' with them. I have enlisted their help in the search, so I don't get smitten, like  some Angels.

 **Emily:** It is quite unnecessary, all the time you spend down there. All you need to do is monitor the search.

 **Kaneel:** Dank memes are lit though.

 

Okay, that was enough of that. What was going on with Lucifer? Why were the Angels taking orders from him and not God? Something was up and he needed to talk to Castiel.

Gabriel wandered out of the bedroom into the hallway, looking for the Seraph. Maybe Castiel was cuddled up with Dean. A good place to start. He knocked on Cas' door before hearing springs creak and footsteps. Castiel opened the door, looking extremely stressed and tired. "Gabriel." He nodded in acknowledgment. "What do you need?"

"Why are they looking for you?" he demanded, grabbing Castiel's shoulders.

His brother nervously glanced off over his shoulder at a sleeping Dean then pushed Gabriel out of the room. He narrowed his eyes in confusion, the trademark head-tilt following. "How did you know about that?"Gabriel didn't really feel like getting into it at that moment. He was too preoccupied with what was going on at the moment. "Doesn't matter," he dismissed, shaking his head to emphasize the point, "Why the fuck are they looking for you?"

"Gabriel, please do not raise your voice, our humans do not know about this," the Angel hissed, leading his elder brothers to the war room.

"Yeah, but what's- wait, did you say _our_ humans?"

"Yes. Dean is mine and Sam is yours."

"Why is Sam mine?"

"Because you two are together."

What. Was that really how people saw him and Sam? He vigorously shook his head. "Sam and I aren't... We're not... No!" He stuck his tongue out briefly. "Just no!"

"Don't you at least like him" Cue the head-tilt.

"No!" And now was the perfect time for the youngest Winchester to walk in, unnoticed. "Sam's annoying and I don't even like him that much! And he's disgusting and a burden and yeah."

Their heads turned when they heard a weak "what?" It was Sam.

Gabe's eyes widened as he realized his mistake. "No, Sam I didn't mean it like that!" he blurted. His hands waved in front of his face like he was trying to erase what was spoken.

The tall hunter forced a kind smile. "No, it's alright. Everyone is entitled to their own opinion." His face became more serious. "And it's my fault I wasn't aware we gossiped about our friend in the kitchen at three in the morning." He turned and left, calling over his shoulder, "It's not like you my friend in the first place."

Gabe's heart sank as he wasn't able to move or breathe. His one and only friend now probably hated him. 

Gabriel fucked up. He fucked up when he abandoned the other angels as well as humanity.He fucked up when he messed with Sam and Dean. He fucked up when he allowed himself to be killed by his brother. He fucked up when he got another chance at life and got captured instead. and finally, he fucked up by allowing himself to get close to a human. 

The Archangel's whole life was a fuck-up. And he wasn't able to go back and fix it.

"Castiel," he spoke, "Where's your angel blade?" He knew what he had to do if he couldn't fix it.

Castiel gave him a look. "You're not going to kill him, are you?"

"'Course not."

"You're not going after Lucifer either?"

"I'm not at full strength."

"Then why do you need it?"

Gabe shrugged. "I might do a little... _target practice_ to blow off some steam."

"Alright, it's in the Impala's trunk with the other weapons. I'll get it, Dean would have a hissy fit if you touched his baby."

~~Target practice on his arms~~

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just fyi, comments and kudos really keep me going, especially as I lose inspiration for fanfics. So if you don't mind, thanks!
> 
>  
> 
> GUYS GO WATCH THE NEWEST EPISODE RIGHT NOW I CRIED OMGGGGGGGGGGG MY BABIES
> 
> SPOILER:
> 
> Honestly, I thought Ketch would get Sam and Dean to get Gabriel. Actually, I'm quite worried 'cause Dean and Ketch are off in an alternate reality which only leaves Sam and Castiel to defend themselves and Gabriel once Colonel Sander pieces it together. HES A FUCKING PRINCE OF HELL HELPPPPPPPPPP T0T


	9. Sam

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> oh no

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sam is kinda a drama queen

Sam lay awake in his room, Gabriel's words making it impossible for him to sleep. What could've prompted him to say that? He wanted to believe it wasn't Gabriel who said that, but deep down he knew. He'd really thought he was getting close to the Archangel. Granted, this is what he got since Jessica. Everyone close to him _always_ drifted off. Whether it be to the sidelines or completely out of his life. It was inevitable.

The Winchester couldn't blame Gabriel for what he said. He honestly couldn't. Maybe it was better this way. Gabe would have time to heal on his own, Sam could focus on his work, and Dean could rest, knowing his brother was 'safe'. Yes, this was good. Then, came a knock on his door. "Sam?" It was Gabriel, probably there to apologize. But Sam didn't need it, he knew Gabriel meant what he said.

"If you're here to say sorry, it's fine. I get it," he called back through the door. 

"Sam, hear me out," the Angel pleaded on the other side. "Can I at least come in?"

While Sam was curious to hear what Gabriel had to say, he doubted anything could erase what happened. Still, a little part of himself wanted Gabe there, next to him. "Fine," he said, sitting up on his bed.

Gabriel pushed open the door, timidly stepping in. "Samsquatch, I am _so_ sorry for-"

"What did I say about your apology?" Sam interrupted, crossing his arms. 

"Right, sorry." Gabriel glances over his shoulder as if someone was behind him, watching them. "Samoose, I-" He paused uncertainly, studying his fingers. "Castiel and me, we- uh, we weren't gossiping. He just said something and it was really weird so I had to deny stuff."

Sam raised an eyebrow, completely doubting what was said. "What was so 'weird' that you had to say those things about me?"

"I don't really want to say," Gabe replied, slowly looking at Sam through his lashes. 

"If you can't say it, I guess it wasn't that important."

"Now that's not really fair," the other protested, brow furrowing.

"I think that's plenty fair." There was an awkward moment of silence before Sam continued. "I also think that our friendship is was toxic."

"I wouldn't go as far as to say it was _toxic_." Sam could see Gabriel was about to say something else, but he stopped himself.

"You're right, but I don't believe there is another way to describe it. I was attached, you were afraid to get close." He gazed sadly at Gabriel in the dark room. "Wouldn't you agree this is for the better?"

Gabriel shrugged, staring at the carpet. "I guess."

* * *

Sam hardly saw Gabriel for the following week, except for meals. Though, the Archangel was barely eating, blandly picking at his food. Sma knew what happened. Castiel knew what happened. Gabriel knew what happened. Dean didn't. It was like an unsaid agreement that the elder Winchester didn't need to know. It's not like he asked, anyway. Truthfully, they didn't think he cared. Either that, or he just didn't even notice.

If Sam were to say that he didn't miss Gabriel and his companionship, that would be a big, fat lie. He'd started to wonder if he made the right decision. He wasn't sure how Gabe felt about this. He didn't really want to know. 

Right now, Sam sat in the study, trying to translate some French lore about a new monster. Since he wasn't completely fluent in the foreign language, it was taking awhile. It had been maybe six hours since Sam started and he wasn't even close to being finished. He'd maybe gotten through a third of the book. Rubbing his temples, Sam sighed. He was distracted by the fact that he didn't get to sleep until he was done. This case was extremely important and it was urgent that he got it done. Castiel was off somewhere, getting ingredients for the spell to rescue Mary and Jack, so him translating it was out of the question. Then there was Gabriel. But he couldn't ask the celestial being for anything after ending their friendship. That much was obvious. So here he was, stuck deciphering books by himself while running on about an hour of sleep from two nights ago. He should've collapsed by now.

"Sam."

A voice snapped him out of his concentration. It ws of course, Gabriel. Oh, how he missed that sound. It brought him joy and pain at the same. This was the first time in a week they'd talked. The hunter turned in his seat to face the Archangel. "Hi."

Gabriel gazed sadly at him, sorrow and helplessness evident in his eyes. "Sam, it's time to take a break," he gently prompted, placing a hand on Sam's shoulder.

Sam shook his head no. "I have to finish this."

The blonde smiled softly. "You're going to get sick. Tell you what, I'll finish this for you. You just need to get to bed."

He opened his mouth to protest but changed his mind and instead shut his mouth. Despite his wanting to argue with the Angel, Sam decided he was right. Knowing Gabriel, he wouldn't let up until Sam was in bed anyway. So he allowed himself to be guided to his room.


	10. UM A THING

TRUST ME ITS SABRIEL

 

https://docs.google.com/presentation/d/1YkEddByZl3CVnLGXbFlT2sLESHGjWg2U1cqp0acRIhM/edit?usp=sharing


	11. Dean

"Cas!" Dean yelled across the bunker, looking for his angel. "Your angel blade is gone again! It's our last one."

Castiel came out of the study, meeting Dean in the hallway. "I'm sure Gabriel has it again," he answered.

Dean frowned. Lately, Gabriel always had the Angel blade, but nobody ever saw him with it. It was very odd and Dean often speculated what he used it for, as he doubted it was for 'target practice.' Even more odd, though, was that Sam and Gabriel were never in the same room for more than ten minutes. "What the hell is he doing with it?"

"I already told you-"

"Yeah, I know what you said," Dean interrupted, huffing, "But you can't actually believe he's telling the truth. Somethin' is goin' on with him, and if Sam ain't gonna figure it out, I will." The hunter didn't exactly care if Gabriel was or wasn't practicing his blade skills. It was more that he was acting stranger than usual and it was screwing with everyone's mood. Plus, having Castiel's weapon disappearing every day was becoming really annoying. 

Castiel beamed at his boyfriend. "I'm glad you're putting in an effort towards getting to know my brother better."

"Right."

* * *

"Yo, dipshit!" Dean called through Gabriel's bedroom door while briefly pounding on it. 

"What, Dick-O?" Gabriel yelled back, voice muffled.

"Where's the angel blade?"

There was silence for a minute, other than things rustling from inside the room. Dean started to wonder if Gabriel forgot about him. Either that, or he was being ignored. "Gabe, you still in there?" The hunter rapped on the door with his fist a couple more times. 

"Yeah, give me a sec." Eventually, Gabriel creaked open the wooden door a couple inches and poked his head out. He handed Dean the blade that had seemingly been run under water. "I want it back once you're done." 

Dean glared at him suspiciously. "I _actually_ need this and it's _my_ weapon. Get somethin' normal, like a knife."

"No!"

"Why not?"

"Because, uhm, a knife and an angel blade don't have the same dimensions, retard," Gabriel said, huffing and rolling his eyes.

"So? If you're practicin' you should practice with all available weapons, ya dumb snot." Dean didn't understand, why was the Archangel being so difficult? Why was the blade wet? Also, why was he still talking about this? He came to get answers and he already had the angel blade. Still, he continued to argue.

"Angel blades are the only thing that can seriously wound us that you have laying around, okay?!" he blurted, then after slamming the door in Dean's face.

The hell was that supposed to mean? Maybe he should ask Sammy before going on his hunt. The oldest Winchester went looking for his brother, whom he found in the study, reading a book. "Dude, what's up with Gabriel?"

Sam glanced up from his book with a confused expression. "Other than him obviously shutting himself in his room? I dunno."

Dean shook his head, he'd thought for certain Sam would've noticed. They were best friends or something, after all. "No, I mean how he won't let anyone come in his room. Well, I guess that's the same thing. But also how he always has the damn angel blade. It's extremely annoying."

Sam closed his book after placing a bookmark in it, then he turned to Dean. "Um, I dunno why he would have it. It's not like he goes anywhere, anyway."

"And y'know the weirdest thing? He gives it back to me, wet. Why the fuck would it be wet?!"

Sam stared off into space for awhile. He was obviously as puzzled as Dean. God, if Sam didn't know then it was definitely a secret. "Dean, I'm not sure either. He doesn't really want to talk to me right now. So, if you want answers, ask Gabe. If not, try Cas, he might have an idea 'cause they're brothers."

"I already asked 'im."

"Dude, why do you care so much? I thought you hated him." This took the other hunter by surprise. Sam was right, he shouldn't care what Gabe does in his freetime. People who hate other people don't care about that. Still, he did.


	12. Gabriel

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ugh this might not make sense

He felt like he was going insane. Honestly, he probably was. Without Sam distracting him from the PTSD and his own thoughts, there was no way to preoccupy himself from the pain. But being desperate to stop the mental pain, Gabriel found it could be done by inducing physical pain. Now, the only way to do that effectively was to use an angel blade. Sure, a regular blade would work just fine, but something that could kill an Angel was a real kicker. Maybe he was punishing himself for hurting Sam. Maybe it was the flashbacks. Maybe he just felt like it. Gabriel couldn't place it. All he knew was that he deserved it. He kept this from the Winchesters and Castiel because he was afraid they'd make him leave. Yeah, it was irrational, but it made sense in his messed-up mind. 

When the angel blade wasn't available to him, Gabriel used some black paint he found in the garage to write in Enochian on the walls. He told his story, from the time after Lucifer 'killed' him to when he got saved by Team Free Will. In his story, he went on about pornstars for a really long time, might've been a little too long. By the time he was done, there was absolutely no room left, he even had to write on the door. This would look like jibberish to Sam and Dean but to Castiel, it'd be horrific. That's why Gabriel wasn't going to let anyone see it because if it were to be translated, they'd find him disgusting and kick him out. He couldn't have that.

Currently, there was nothing that needed to be done. Gabriel wasn't in possession of Cas' blade and his whole story was written out and on display. He wanted to check his wings to see how he was progressing, but he was too scared of what he may find. So he sat in the corner of his room, in the dark and did nothing. Absolutely nothing. Until there was a knock on the door. "Yeah," he grunted, expecting Dean or Cas.

"Can I come in?" It was Sam.

Gabriel sprung to his feet and over to the door, almost tripping in his haste."No!" He opened the door just enough so he could squeeze out without Sam seeing the walls. He shut it safely behind him. "Sam."

"Hey. Uh, was I interrupting something?" Sam cocked his head to the side, reminding Gabriel of a puppy. A very cute puppy. A snuggly one.

"No," he assured, shaking his head, golden hair bouncing, "I just think that it might be better if we talk out here. My room is cold."

"I can adjust the thermostat if you need," the puppy offered. 

"I'm good. But why did you need to talk to me?" May as well get the point so he could continue moping around. 

"Right. Cas said he wanted us all in your room to talk. But since we're out here, we could go to the den." Sam shifted on the balls of his heels like he was antsy to get away from Gabriel.

"Okay, I can do that."

"Cool." 

He and Sam met Cas and Dean in the hallway the walked back to the den together. Cas and Dean on one couch, Sam and Gabe on the other. "So, what's this about?" Gabe inquired. He sat as far away from Sam as he could, the brunette doing the same.

"It's about you two, ya dip," Dean replied rudely. "We're fed up with you two twinkletoes dancing around each other like you have the plague everywhere you go. It's sick!"

Castiel nodded in agreement. "I wouldn't use that wording, but yes, it's tiring watching you avoid one another." He and Dean exchanged a glance, some sort of silent conversation passing between them. 

"Look, I dunno what's going on," Dean said, "but it's gotta stop. So Cas 'n I've decided that we're gonna kick you out until you learn to get along."

Gabriel was disgusted with this. Was Dean mocking him? He was an adult and he could handle himself and his affairs. "Are you for serious?" he blurted, scuffing the floor with his shoe.

"Yes. And you are going out right now." Castiel and Dean pushed the hunter and the Archangel outside and locked the door behind them. Gabe and Sam stood awkwardly on the doorstep in silence, Sam staring at Gabriel and Gabriel staring at the metal door.

"That's bullshit!" Gabriel yelled, kicking the door. He was stopped by Sam placing a hand on his shoulder.

"Maybe they're right," Sam said, shrugging because he wasn't really sure. "We should go for a walk."

"Sam, I know you don't actually want to do this. You hate me, remember? I wouldn't want to make you uncomfortable."

"Gabriel, I want this. You should too. Us ignoring each other is even more toxic than before."

"You sure?"

"Yeah."


	13. Sam

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> a heart to heart lmao

Sam took Gabriel out back into the forest. They found a dirt path and walked along it for awhile. "Where do you want to start?"

"I dunno, doesn't matter to me," Gabriel said, stuffing his hands in his pockets. He refused to look at Sam.

The hunter thought for a moment, wondering where he wanted to start. "Gabe, I think my judgement on the whole 'kitchen scene' wasn't the best. I didn't give you the benefit of the doubt. I'm usually really level-headed but I think because _you_ said that stuff I didn't control my emotions. You really are my best friend and that's why I think so highly of your opinions. So when I heard what you said about me, I took it to heart." **((A/N: This next sentence can really be taken out of context))** Sam breathed out a sigh, he'd been holding that in for a really long time and it felt great to let it out. "I was a little overdramatic."

"I, I shouldn't have said those things anyway," Gabriel admitted, hanging his head. "It's just... Castiel said that we were dating and he really insisted on it. I had to make something up to get him to stop. I didn't know how." He glanced shyly up at Sam, guilt present in his gold-green eyes.

Sam nodded to let Gabriel know he understood. "That makes a bunch more sense." He chuckled. "I'm kinda stupid, huh?"

Gabriel stopped moving, tugging on Sam's sleeve so he'd stop too. "Sammy, don't say you're stupid," he mumbled, releasing the man.

"Oh, uh, Gabe, I didn't mean it like that. I was attempting a joke that wasn't really funny." Sam glanced down at the other, smiling softly.

The Archangel played with his hair, embarrassed. "Right, sorry." 

They continued their walk, the Summer Sun peeking through the trees. Sam guesses that Gabriel hadn't seen the Sun in over a month. So this was good for him. "We cool?"

"Yeah."

"Good," They walked a little longer, basking in the Sun and each other's company. Neither of them would admit that to the other. "What've you been doing? I mean, we haven't spoken in awhile."

"Definitely not stealing your brother's porn mags," he joked, chuckling awkwardly. "You?"

"Just research, Dean likes to slack off so I have to do twice the work."

They soon headed back after catching up on the things that mostly didn't happen. Sam knocked on the door to the bunker. Castiel appeared, opening the door a bit. "Did you two sort things out?" he wondered, glancing between the hunter and his brother.

"Yeah," they both confirmed in unison.

Castiel let them in, Dean standing behind them. Both looked proud that they 'fixed' Sam and Gabriel's relationship.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Richard Speight Jr's eyes are so pretty <3


	14. Gabriel

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I wanted some fluff, okay?

Gabriel was happy that his and Sam's friendship was finally repaired. It gave him a sense of security. Although, one day, a certain thought crossed his mind, _What if he's only talking to me again because he didn't want to be stuck inside?_ That ruined everything for him. Again, there was something else for him to worry about. Something more to cause him to hate himself. But, for Dean and Cas's sakes, he kept with Sam. He came out of his room more often. He pretended to be okay. He pretended to love himself. And it worked.

Gabe and Sam were sitting in the library beside each other, Sam was reading and Gabriel was zoning out. He tuned back in to notice Sam staring at him. They made eye contact and the hunter immediately looked away, face red. "Admiring my beauty, I see," he jokingly flirted.

"I-I was just uh, I wasn't staring at you, or anything! Just, I lov- uh, I was only thinking about what I just read! In the book, I mean," Sam sputtered, eyes frantically darting around the room like a hare on crack.

Gabriel glanced at Sam's book with the hopes of learning the name of it. "Sam, your book is upside down."

Sam quickly turned his reading material over, huffing. "Maybe I just like to read upside down." Gabe rolled his eyes at this. "You don't know me!"

"Yenno the worst thing about this whole shebang? You're on a blank page."

Sure enough, once he looked down, Sam realized he was on a blank page which separated the parts of the story. Just his luck. So he did the most rational thing he could: he chucked the novel across the room, wincing when the delicate pages of literature landed harshly on the ground. "You can't prove anything!" Sam whispered quietly.

They both burst out laughing upon meeting each other's eyes. Gabriel was depressed. Gabriel believed everyone hated him, and rightly so. Gabriel despised every ounce of himself. Yet, when he was with Sam, every fear and insecurity was wiped away for a moment. He allowed himself to laugh around Sam, even if it was just for a second. Sam made Gabriel feel okay. No. Sam made Gabriel _good_. The Archangel wiped a couple (happy) tears away. "Dude, what the hell?"

Sam shrugged. "Pfft, I dunno," he said, still giggly. "But seriously, Gabe, I haven't seen you laugh like that for years. I like it."

Maybe, just this once, Gabriel could allow himself to bask in Sam's words. Maybe he could believe them. "Really?" Sam nodded, hair bouncing.

Dean walzted in, yelling, "HOLY FUCK, JUST KISS ALREADY!" Gabe and Sam immediately bounced back on the couch. "Y'all lectured me 'n Cas before we hooked up. Now I gotta return the favour," Dean mumbled to them.

"D-Dean, you got it all wrong!" Sam protested, even more red than before. 

"Yeah, that's what I said. And look at where we are now."

"Well, Dean-o," Gabe said, "we'll be sure to take that into consideration, thank you."

Dean shrugged at Gabriel's defensive sarcasm. "Anyway, Sam, I came to get you so we can go visit Claire 'n all them. Ya still comin'?"

Sam nodded and went over to his book. Picking it up, he asked Gabe if he wanted to tag along. "Nah, Sam-a-lam, Imma stay here. Got shit to do."

"Cas is gonna stay too," the eldest Winchester mentioned, "try not to annoy 'im too much while we're gone."

"No promises, sweetcakes."

Sam and Dean left the room together after Sam said they'd be back around eleven. So Gabriel went to go find his younger brother. He found the Seraph in the War Room. "Ey, Cas, what you up to?"

"Trying to figure out how to artificially create angels. With your grace depleted and Jack in an alternate reality, Heaven is in danger," he answered.

Gabriel wished he could help with Heaven's problem. Sure, he didn't like participating in drama, but he didn't want a whole race to die out because of his father. 

Castiel seemed to sense the guilt radiating off of the Archangel. “Gabriel, it isn’t your fault,” he assured, “Once you’re back in business you can help.”

“Yeah.”

There was a dead silence for a moment before Castiel suggested something. “Do you want to set up a prank on Dean?”

“Sure!”


	15. Dean

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hngggggg I’m late I know I’m sorry
> 
> I had like no inspiration for this chapter lmao

Sam and Dean came home like they promised, at eleven. Once the brothers walked in the door, they heard obnoxious laughter coming from the library. That was Gabriel. Dean glanced over at his brother who had immediately perked up upon hearing the Archangel. Then a softer, more giggle-like laugh sounded. Cas.

Dean and his brother headed to the library to see what the celestial beings were up to. When Gabriel and Cas noticed Sam and Dean, they seized laughing. Gabriel’s cheeks puffed out and Cas’ eyes avoided Dean’s. “Hello, Dean,” the Seraph greeted. It was in a tone different than usual. Cas normally talked in an octave too low for his face, but this time his voice was kinda high.

“What’d you guys do?” Dean asked suspiciously. With Gabriel trying extremely hard not to laugh and Castile refusing to meet his eyes, something must be going on. 

“Whatever do you mean, princess?” Gabriel asked, filing to hide a snigger at the end.

“Well, whatever you two did, it better not involve me,” he warned. Dean define rly trusted Cas, but Gabriel was a whole other story. “I’m going to go have a shower before bed,” he stated, then he left the two Angels and his brother alone in the library. 

Sam glanced between both Heavenly beings, not suspiciously, but confused. “What happened while we were gone?” he wondered, only getting chuckles in response.

Dean turned the hallway to his bathroom after getting a towel from the laundry room. Following a long day of driving and helping Jody finish up a hunt, he deserved a long, hot shower. The eldest Winchester set his towel in the toilet lid then started the shower. He peeled off his dirty clothing and let them fall to the floor. Stepping into the warm water, Dean sighed and felt his tense muscles begin to relax. Here and only here, could he think his own thoughts and be his own man because, I’m the outside world, he was a drama queen. But, alone, he was the manliest man that ever manned.

So Dean contemplated everything that had happened recently: his mom and Jack in an alternate reality; Gabriel being back; his little Sammy having a not-so-set ret crush on a huge douchebag; that huge douchebag probably returning those feelings. The list could go in. Then, he began thinking about Castiel, the sexiest angel in the garrison. The stoic one who refused to crack a smile unless Dean was present. Who’d never laugh at something unless Dean was in on it. So what in the ever-living fuck was going on? He and Sam had changed ever since the trickster returned and Dean wasn’t sure he liked it. No, he was certain he didn’t like it.

But this was _his_ time. It was also time to wash his hair , since the hot water would soon run out. Dean took the shampoo bottle and squeezed it out on the palm of his hand.

The hunter did his whole shower routine while wondering what was going on with Cas and Gabriel. It wasn’t like he was _scared_ of what the angels were plotting, just curious. Dean dried his hair off using a towel until it was only damp. Then, he took a hairdryer and used to remove the condensation on the mirror, allowing himself to see his gorgeous hair. 

But, instead of his normal sandy-blonde hair, Dean was greeted with the sight of it being _neon green._

Dean could not believe his eyes. Is this what Cas and Gabriel were laughing about? Was this their big secret? “SON OF A BITCH!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Eyyyyy, I would like to know what you guys think of this so far. Anything you want to see for the future? Don’t be shy to ask or criticize!


	16. Castiel

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> look who finally updated

Hearing Dean scream his trademark curse twenty minutes later sent Gabriel howling with laughter and Sam running down to his brother’s room. Cas had to admit, it was kind of funny, even to him. Gabriel slapped his hand in what he guessed was a high-five. The two angels heard shouting from down the hall, presumably the Winchester brothers. Dean stormed in, a hair a bright green. “The hell did you do to my hair, Gabriel?!” the hunter demanded, grabbing the Archangel by the collar of his jacket.

Gabriel raised his hands in defense, a small smirk playing on his lips. “I didn’t so much as touch it, Dean-o!” Castiel could almost see Dean kill him with just his eyes.

“It’s pretty obvious that you did! And I bet you dragged Cas into this too.” If someone didn’t step in soon, one of the fighting men would end up on the ground. Apparently, Sam had the same train of thought when he took a cautious step between the two.

“Guys, fighting won’t solve anything,” the hunter said, glancing between his brother and Gabriel.

“Oh, so you’re on _his_ side?!” Dean growled.

Sam seemed torn between both of them, not able to choose a side. Perhaps not wanting to offend either party. “No….No! I’m not on anyone’s side. This is just foolish.”

Gabriel cocked an eyebrow. “You hesitated,” he pointed out.

Dean’s attention turned back to the Archangel in question. “Ya thing y’r _so_ funny-”

“Yeah, kinda.”

“Not a question. I-”

Sam looked quite stressed about all of this so Cas took initiative. “Both of you need to stop!” he blurted, pushing Dean away, Sam doing the same to Gabriel. “Sam’s right, this is childish. Dean, it was a stupid prank- the dye will be gone in a week. Gabriel, you don’t have to be so sarcastic and mean all of the time.” Dean glanced away while Gabriel just shrugged. “And, if anyone is to blame here, it’d be me. I suggested we pull a trick on you,” the Seraph admitted.

“Well, you, I can forgive.” Cas and Sam both shot Dean a look at the same time. “And, I guess… I can try to _tolerate_ him.”

Cas gave a satisfied nod before turning to look at his brother. “You too, Gabriel.”

“What’d I do?” Gabe asked, seeming confused. 

“Just apologize,” Sam suggested.

Gabriel groaned a little, earning a glare from the eldest Winchester. “Fine,” he grunted, “I apologize for pulling a completely amazing prank on you and it being totally awesome.”

Dean was about to protest when Sam beat him to it. “Thanks, Gabe.” He then grabbed the blonde by his wrist and dragged him out of the room, maybe because he didn’t was the two to get into another argument.

That left Castiel to deal with Dean. “That insufferable little-!” The angel assumed he was too exasperated to finish whatever insult he had decided on. The sandy-haired man turned to his boyfriend, annoyance clear in his gaze. “Cas! Why the hell would you ever give him that idea? I can’t go out like _this_!”

“Dean, it was a harmless prank,” Castiel reminded once again.

“I’m sick ‘n tired of you guys defending that brat! He’s done nothin’ for us but mope. Why should we blindly cater to his every need?”

Castiel knew Dean had a point, but Gabriel was working on healing, so it was excusable. If only Dean could understand that. “Think of it as an outlet for him,” Castiel explained, “ Pranking people has always been one of his joys. It might help him get better. Give him time.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really hate to beg for feedback, but I really need it right now. I am slowly losing interest and inspiration for this story and I need to know what you guys want to happen.
> 
> Also, during Summer Break, I am not too sure how much I'll be able to update.


	17. Gabriel

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Two chapters in one day because I haven't been updating lately and you guys deserve this.

The prank Gabriel and Castiel pulled on Dean _was_ pretty funny, Sam couldn’t lie. But choosing the angel’s side over Dean’s wasn’t something Sam was hoping to do anytime soon. Sure, Sam really liked Gabriel, as in more than a friend, but choosing a side would have ended in a bigger catastrophe. 

The hunter had been doing a little thinking lately and decided neither he nor Gabriel were in the best state for a romantic relationship. He’d had the sneaking suspicion that the Archangel was at least a little bit in love with him, even if he was still in denial. They both needed time to heal before they pursued anything. Sam still needed to love himself before he could love another so that they would feel it, he just wasn’t ready for a new relationship yet. And Gabriel needed to fully process and heal from his time in Hell. 

Sam wished there was an option that could allow love _and_ healing, but that simply was not a possibility. But that definitely didn’t mean he couldn’t make the best of it and have fun while doing a little flirting.

The youngest Winchester had noticed something recently: Gabriel was pretending to be okay. He had put on a smile faker than Nicki Minaj’s butt every day. Sam knew it was fake because he often used to wear on quite like that after he came back from Hell. It was so obvious to him. Every fake smile. Every hollow laugh. Every joke. There was always something off. And Sam just couldn’t bear it.

Currently, he and Gabriel were walking down the halls of the bunker, right after the scuffle with Dean. Gabriel was quietly chuckling to himself about the whole ordeal while Sam built up the nervous energy to ask the blonde a question. “Gabriel-”

“Sammich,” he cut in, almost as if he were expecting Sam to say something right at that exact moment.

“Can I ask you a question?”

“You just did. But ask away, Princess.”

“Um, don’t take this the wrong way, but what happened to you when you were in Hell?” Sam cautiously wondered. He knew it was risky to ask that type of thing, but Gabriel wasn’t opening up on his own and Sam didn’t have much to work with to help him.

They arrived outside of Gabe’s room. “I was tortured by Asmo-dick-us. You know that, Moose,” Gabriel answered, clearly avoiding another answer. By now, the air between them changed. It was harder to breathe and both could feel it. Sam awkwardly rubbed his neck, a thing he had done since he was a child when he got uncomfortable. It was a nervous tick, really.

“Yes, I know that, everyone does. But you know what I meant, Gabe. I-” 

By this time, Gabriel had squeezed his way into his room without Sam noticing. “Good night, Sam.”

* * *

Sam lay wide awake that night, thinking about what had just happened between him and Gabriel. The Angel had so blatantly avoided his question, even slamming the door in his face when Sam pressed. He didn’t mean to press, it’s just that he was stuck. How was he supposed to help if he had nothing to go on? The only thing he was certain about was that Gabriel was suffering from depression that branched from PTSD.

* * *

**Gabriel**

Sam’d mentioned Hell. He’d attempted to pry. He’d nudged Gabriel back into thinking about _it._ It wasn’t directly the tall man’s fault, but Gabe could relate it back to him.

Hell, everything related back to that damn Winchester.

With pretending all of the time and nobody noticing, Gabriel’s depression grew worse and worse all the time. It didn’t make any sense to him. Why wasn’t he getting better? Why did he have to suffer? Why couldn’t he stop the intrusive thoughts?

Why?

Why?

Why.

Suddenly, everything became too loud for him. The voices of Castiel and Dean in the den. The noise of Sam’s T.V. in his room. Splatter of rain on the roof. His own thoughts. Whir of the heater. People running in the mud somewhere outside. Laughter of children playing in the rain. The croak of frogs who jumped along. Motors of cars passing by. He was aware of _everyt_ sound in a five-mile radius.

And it was all too much.

Gabriel couldn't hold back anymore as he let out a deafening shriek, angelic voice intertwining with his vessel’s, silencing everything and creating a symphony of hatred and suffering. No one really did anything for a minute, it was like the world around Gabriel had just _stopped._ It was difficult to understand what happened, even if somebody flat-out told you. Gabriel himself didn’t even know. He just collapsed on the floor, shaking. Hyperventilating. Gripping his head. Screaming in a human voice, now.

Until Sam came in. The Winchester burst in, gun at the ready. Doing a quick sweep of the room, his eyes landed almost immediately on Gabe’s hunched form in the middle of the room. Concerned with nothing else, Sam crouched down next to Gabriel after dropping his gun, enveloping him in a hug. He didn’t need to know what happened to know that Gabriel needed him. He’d always be there when he needed him.

Even if he didn’t deserve it.


End file.
